I Need You Here
by Jenny Fincher
Summary: Cora realizes how much she misses Robert while he is fighting in The Boer War.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

 **This is my first Downton Abbey fic and my first attempt at writing Cobert. I'll admit this is more Cora than anything. There is an original character, but she gets nothing more than a few sentences and then we're never going to see her again.**

 **This is unbeta'd. I did try to edit it myself about 100 times, but I'm sure there are still some mistakes. It kind of got away with itself the more I edited it so if it seems choppy or repetitive, I apologize. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **I'm not sure if I'll continue this particular story. I'm don't think I could write Robert; I just feel I could write Cora better. So if I do continue it, it will probably be from more of Cora's perspective. However, I do have another story in mind for Cora and Isobel. I know her main purpose was to spar with Violet, but I wish she and Cora had had more of a friendship; especially after Matthew died. So if anyone is interested in that, shoot me a message and I'll tell you my ideas and maybe you could help me write it. And maybe one day I'll have the guts to write Robert.**

 **XXX**

Cora sat at her vanity, her head in her hands, her fingers gently massaging her temples, as she tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. To say the week had been trying was an understatement. With Robert away fighting in the war, the girls constantly at each other's throats, and the fact that she was having to search for a new Lady's Maid, had her on edge. But today, after what seemed like a never ending tea with Mama, Rosamund, and Lady Helena Rossford, Cora had had about all she could handle.

 _Initially the tea had been going smoothly, until Lady Rossford started laying into her about the fact that she had still yet to produce an heir. Cora had done well to bite her tongue, even briefly thinking how nice it was to not have Mama picking at her for once. Rosamund had remained quiet as well, glancing occasionally to her sister-in-law, wondering how she wasn't losing her temper, and silently praying that Mama would intervene, but of course that was so unlike her mother. She sighed and squinted her eyes at the woman across from her when Helena made another cutting remark to Cora. She was about to speak up on her behalf, but as soon as she opened her mouth, Cora had risen from her chair_

 _Cora stood, glaring at the woman, hands balled into fists at her side, and spoke, "I'll have you know, we've been trying. Ever since we had Sybil." She swallowed, trying to compose herself and not raise her voice, "I don't see how this is any of your business. But now he's off fighting in this stupid war and well - I can't very well get pregnant without him here. So if you'll please excuse me, I'm going upstairs to lie down. I have a headache." She turned on her heels and exited the room without so much as a look over her shoulder._

And so she sat, holding back her tears, and replaying the words of Lady Rossford over and over. How she hated that her mind liked to rewind itself any time she was faced with confrontation. Cora was not someone who hated people, but how she _hated_ that woman.

She heard her door click open and the shuffling of feet, not recalling when she had rung for Mrs. Hughes who had been taking care of her for the last few days. She sighed, drying the few tears in her eyes with her hands and turned around. There standing before her was seven-year-old Edith holding onto the edge of the sleeve of Sybil's dress. Cora looked at her youngest daughter and stifled a laugh. Four-year-old Sybil stood with her sister, her head bent down to her chest. Her pale pink dress was covered in a mess of colorful stains and something that looked like mud. Or at least, Cora hoped it was mud. Sybil's hair, that had been neatly pinned from her eyes when she saw her earlier in the afternoon, was sticking up in every which way. She sniffled and looked her up at her mother, her face red and tear stained.

Cora covered her mouth with her hand and kneeled in front of her daughter, "Oh Sybil, come here." The little girl tentatively stepped closer to her mother and looked down again. Cora took her little hands in hers, looking her over and making sure the child wasn't hurt. When she saw nothing serious, only a few scratches she spoke, "Well what have you two been up to? Where's Nanny?" She looked at Edith and noticed that she, too, was a mess. However, not as covered as Sybil.

Edith shrugged and let go of her sister's arm. "We were outside playing with Pharaoh. Sybil was holding onto his collar, when he started chasing something into the lake. She fell and I couldn't find Nanny so I brought her to you instead."

Cora nodded and tried to hide the anger that was swelling up within her. Nanny hadn't been neglectful before, but now Cora was wondering if, perhaps in her age, she was becoming so. She pulled Sybil into a hug, despite the state of her clothes, noting that she looked dry. She rubbed her hands soothingly up and down Sybil's back trying to calm her. "Edith dear, could you please ring for Mrs. Hughes?"

Edith nodded and ran quickly to pull on the bell next to her mother's bed.

Cora moved to sit in her chair again, bringing Sybil into her lap. Edith returned to her mother and looked at her expectantly.

"Could you do me another favor," she asked. The little blonde nodded and waited for instructions. "Can you go into my washroom, grab the small linen near the sink, wet it with warm water, and bring it back to me?"

"Yes, Mama." Edith ran off to do her special task.

Cora sat back to look at Sybil. "I need to clean these cuts so they don't get infected all right?" Sybil nodded and sniffled again, wiping her nose with her right arm. Cora pulled her daughter close to her again and rocked her gently while she waited for Edith. She heard a knock on her door before it opened to reveal Mrs. Hughes.

Mrs. Hughes stepped into the room, her eyes widening at the sight before her. "Oh Milady, what's happened?"

Cora sighed, "It seems Lady Edith and Lady Sybil were left outside unattended and there was an accident. I'm not sure where Nanny is, but I think we're going to have to let her go." Edith came back into the room, rushing to her mother, and handing her the wet cloth.

"Here you are, Mama."

"Thank you, Darling." Cora took it from her and gently started pressing it to the cuts on Sybil's left arm; carefully removing any dirt. "Mrs. Hughes, we can finish talking about it this evening; I just wanted you to be aware of the situation now."

Mrs. Hughes nodded, "Should I ring for Doctor Clarkson?" She watched as her Ladyship shook head. "Is there anything else I can do to help, Milady?"

Cora thought a moment as she surveyed the cut on Sybil's right cheek. "Do you know where Lady Mary is by any chance," wondering if her eldest daughter had snuck down into the kitchen to speak to Carson.

"She asked Nanny if she could stay in the nursery and read," Edith answered before Mrs. Hughes could.

Cora looked to her other daughter and smiled, "Thank you Edith, you've been so helpful." She looked at Sybil's arm again before addressing Mrs. Hughes, "Do we have peroxide? I'd like to keep these from getting infected.

Mrs. Hughes nodded, "Yes ma'am, I'll go fetch it for you." She turned and left the room.

"Did you leave Pharaoh outside?"

Edith shook her head, "I called for him to come with us, but he ran around to the back."

Cora nodded, "Good. I'm sure one of the kitchen boys found him."

Edith giggled, "Oh he was so messy, Mama." She scrunched up her nose at the memory of her father's beloved dog.

Cora laughed, "Well then, I sincerely _hope_ a kitchen boy found him first instead of Carson or I would have to write a letter to your father explaining why his butler has gotten rid of his dog."

Edith giggled again, covering her mouth with her hands, and looked at her little sister who had stilled in her mother's embrace. "I think she's asleep, Mama."

She leaned back again and chuckled quietly, "I daresay Pharaoh has worn her out."

Mrs. Hughes returned and held out the glass bottle of peroxide to Cora.

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes. Could you put it on my vanity please?" She watched as the woman carefully placed it behind her. "That's all. I'll speak to you further after dinner."

The older woman smiled and left the room once again, shutting the door behind her quietly.

Cora stood from her chair, carefully cradling Sybil in her arms, and moved to place her gently on the bed. She turned to her other daughter after slowly placing Sybil's legs under the covers.

"Could you go to the nursery and grab Sybil's nightgown?"

Edith nodded, happy to do yet another task for her Mama, and left the room.

Cora walked to the washroom, grabbed a clean linen, and then the peroxide from her vanity. She walked to her bed and gingerly sat down next to Sybil. She placed the bottle on her nightstand and ran a hand over Sybil's head, smoothing down her wild curls. She sighed, hating to wake her, but knew it had to be done and would need her awake to change her out of her dirty clothes anyway. She bent down to press a kiss to her forehead and decided to wait for Edith to return, giving her little girl a moments rest.

Edith returned shortly with Mary in tow. Her eldest daughter stood at the door, staring blankly at her youngest sister, as Edith bounded over to her mother's side of the bed and handed her Sybil's nightgown.

Her mother took it from her and smiled her thanks. Edith stepped back and watched her, waiting for further instructions. Cora folded the nightgown neatly and laid it on her lap.

"I-I'm sorry, Mama," Mary said quietly from the door.

Cora whipped her head towards her daughter, shocked that she was apologizing for something she had no control over. "Whatever for, Darling?"

Mary looked down at her feet and crossed her arms behind her back. She dared not look at her mother.

Cora waited a moment and probed her again, "Mary, what is it?"

Mary dug her shoe into the rug and willed herself not to cry. She still said nothing.

Edith spoke up, "She thinks if she had gone outside with us, Sybil wouldn't have gotten hurt."

Cora looked at Edith, her head cocked to the side, and raised an eyebrow, "And why is that?"

"Because..." Mary started and then hesitated, "they wanted me to go outside with them. They were bothering me, but I wanted to stay inside and read _Alice in Wonderland_ instead."

Cora turned to her eldest daughter and sighed. She knew how much she loved to read, especially her favorite book, and knew that her two youngest daughters could be rambunctious after their lessons and luncheon. They were to have thirty minutes outside every day, weather permitting, but she knew that sometimes Mary just needed to be on her own.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone, Mary. This isn't your fault." Mary looked up at her mother and nodded sheepishly, Cora knew she would still blame herself.

"Nanny should not have left them alone, but even if you had been outside with them, this still could have happened. Pharaoh can be a handful." The dark haired girl chuckled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Now come here, please. I'm about to clean her arm and I'll suspect she'll need a hand to squeeze."

Mary quickly, but carefully climbed onto her mother's bed and took Sybil's left hand. The little girl stirred, slowly opening her eyes, and looked at her sister then her mother. Tears started pooling in her eyes when she realized where she was; her eyebrows knitting together at the realization she was in pain.

"I'm sorry, Mama," she choked out.

Cora ran a hand over her daughters head again and bent down to give her another kiss. "It's all right Sybil, Darling. You're not in trouble." She reached for the peroxide on her nightstand, unscrewing the cap, and carefully poured some on the linen.

She turned back to Sybil, "I'm going to use this to clean the scratch on your arm so that it doesn't get infected. It's going to sting."

Sybil squeezed her eyes shut, "No Mama, please."

"I have to, Darling. It'll be all right. It will only take a few seconds and you can squeeze Mary's hand."

Edith walked up to the bed, standing to the left of Cora, and offered her hand, "You can squeeze mine too."

Cora smiled at her daughter, "Now you have two hands to squeeze should the pain be too unbearable."

Sybil looked at both of her sisters then nodded to her mother.

"On the count of three," Cora said preparing her daughter for what was about to come. On three, she gently patted the linen on Sybil's arm, hearing her hiss in pain, and quickly drew it away after a few seconds, blowing gently on the scratch that was searing red.

She studied her daughter's cheek again, "I need to clean the one on your face." Sybil shook her head vigorously.

"Sybil...," Cora said in a warning tone.

Sybil sighed and turned her head away from her mama, closing her eyes, and squeezing her sisters hands once more.

Cora quickly dabbed the linen against Sybil's right cheek and blew across the cut.

"There all done," she said patting her arm, "let's put your nightgown on and then you can rest in here until dinner."

Cora helped her sit up and unbuttoned the back of Sybil's dress with the help of Mary. Once her dress was off, Cora carefully slid the nightgown over her head. She removed her shoes and her stockings as well, which were not only dirty, but ripped in multiple places. She placed Sybil's legs back under the covers and gathered up her clothes.

"Edith, will you run these down to Mrs. Hughes? The dress can be cleaned, but tell her to throw away the stockings. They're of no use now."

She nodded taking the clothes from her mother and left the room.

"Would you like me to get your bunny from the nursery?" Mary asked, desperate to do something.

Sybil nodded as Cora spoke, "That's very nice of you, Mary."

Mary crawled off the bed and quickly left the room.

Cora turned back to Sybil and patted her stomach gently, "I'll stay here until she gets back then I want you to get some sleep." Sybil nodded and let her eyes drift close content in her mother's safety.

 **XXX**

"Mama?"

"Edith, darling." Cora turned her head from the book she was reading and looked at her daughter, "What are you doing out of bed?"

Edith stood tentatively in the doorway, "I can't sleep."

"Oh sweetheart, come here." Cora held her arms open to her daughter and watched as she climbed up on Robert's side of the bed.

The girl snuggled into her mother's side, feeling her arms snake around her middle, and watched as she tucked the covers around her.

"What's the matter, hm?" You were such a great help this afternoon. You're a wonderful big sister." Cora kissed the side of her head and waited for her reply.

Edith huffed, "Mary doesn't think so."

"Well, that's because Mary is _your_ big sister. She doesn't have anyone to fuss over her. She wouldn't dare let me do such a thing." She felt Edith chuckle against her, "Besides it's what matters to Sybil, not Mary. Mary has never been one to accept much affection from anyone except your father, of course, and Carson."

Edith rolled her eyes, "I wish I was friends with one of the servants."

"Oh? But don't you get along with Mrs. Hughes? She was telling me how much of a help you've been downstairs."

Edith nodded, "I help her, but I don't think she likes me very much."

"Oh, but she does. She told me she's very fond of you."

"Really?" Edith looked up at her mother who nodded.

"Really." Cora sighed, "Truthfully, you girls aren't even supposed to be down in the kitchen, but with Papa away I don't see how it could hurt. They like having the extra help now that more of the boys are at war. And well, your Granny isn't here to say anything about it either. I know you're helping and not getting into any trouble. So long as you keep doing that, it's harmless you being down there. I know Mary regularly pays Carson a visit and I can assure you, they don't get any work done when she is there."

Edith shook her head, "They don't."

"Well then," Cora started, "I see now why you're the favorite among the staff."

 **XXX**

 _21_ _st_ _May, 1900_

 _My Dear Robert,_

 _Oh, how I need you here. The past ten days have been nothing but chaotic. Not only am I having to find a new Lady's Maid, but now I'm having to look for a new Nanny as well. It seems Nanny Harding has gotten on in age. I don't want to anger you since I am dealing with it, but one afternoon she left the younger girls unattended and Sybil got hurt. Nothing serious, thank goodness, but as their mother I couldn't let her stay on. As you know, she's been with us since we had Mary and after the incident with Sybil, I noticed her declining rather quickly. It pained me to watch her go since she has been so good to us, but I could not put our girls at the risk of being in danger any longer. A few of the maids have been very helpful, taking turns in caring for the girls, who surprisingly have been on their best behavior. I can assure you that was not the case before the incident._

 _Oh Robert, I feel as if I'm going mad. I've never fully realized how much work goes into running the estate. I'm always running about, meeting with this person and doing that, but I am finding that I'm enjoying myself even though I am exhausted. Carson and Mrs. Hughes have been tremendously helpful and it puts my mind at ease to know we have the two of them running the house as well. I would be completely lost without them. Mrs. Hughes has also been serving as my Lady's Maid and I know she must be awfully exhausted too. I've never been more grateful to her. I would like another Lady's Maid, but would it be terrible of me to say, I wish she could remain with me instead? However, I know we would be at a great loss if we had to replace her with another housekeeper. Maybe if I don't find someone soon, I can beg for her to stay with me a while longer. How she's so calm and composed while running about like a chicken with its head cut off is beyond me._

 _You'll be happy to know I've been dealing with your absence rather well until the last week. Lady Rossford joined Mama, your sister, and I for tea on the afternoon of Sybil's accident. She had upset me so that I would have done anything to be in your arms. Somehow, I've come to handle your mother's remarks about the lack of an heir, but I would have taken her insults over Lady Rossford's any day. Robert, I would so love to have another child, to give you an heir, but sometimes I can't help look at the faces of our darling daughters and be completely content with the three of them. Maybe one day that will change. I'm not sure. But for now, I am happy with the way things are. Lady Rossford's comments only upset me because she kept nagging and nagging. Rosamund told me how Mama had scolded her after I left the room. Can you believe that? Your mother sticking up for me? I've noticed she's been much nicer to me. What with seeing how I've taken charge of the estate in your absence, I guess she has no choice. I will welcome it with open arms as long as it lasts._

 _Sybil will be five soon. Goodness, where has the time gone? It feels like only yesterday we welcomed her into our world. How I wish you could come home. Oh, Rosamund has decided to throw small party for her. Sybil asks me every day if you'll be coming, but it's becoming less and less hard to tell her no. She doesn't cry anymore; just nods and is off to busy her mind with something else. She's such a happy child, Robert. I wish you could see her. When she doesn't get her way, instead of throwing a tantrum like our other two girls were prone to do, she goes into a corner and quietly hums to herself until she calms down. I'm not sure where she learned it, but I am thankful._

 _Mary and Edith have been getting along better for the most part. I think since the incident with Sybil, they've realized how important it is to watch out for each other. Oh, I keep making it sound worse than it was. Edith and Sybil were out playing with Pharaoh when he got over excited, and took off toward the lake. Apparently, Sybil had been hanging onto him and when he took off, she fell. She was all right; nothing more than a few scratches. Perhaps they've decided to take pity on their Mama and not set her teeth on edge. They both help in the kitchen. I know they're not allowed, but I know they get tired of being cooped up in the nursery all day. Edith's been helping Mrs. Hughes and now she's started helping Mrs. Patmore as well. I'm not sure Mary does much work. I know her main reason for spending so much time down there is to be with Carson. You know, next to you, he is her favorite person. I don't have the heart to tell her to leave him alone._

 _Pharaoh, of course, sleeps in your dressing room every night. I've found myself sneaking in there a few times and cuddling up against your pillow, but he tends to hog the bed so I'm never able to stay long._

 _Golly, this has gotten longer than I intended. It's just I've missed you so. I admit I hadn't realized how much until sitting here, writing this to you, but I do. My mind has gotten away from me._

 _I hope you are well and I cannot wait to hear from you again. To have you in my bed; within arms reach. Just knowing you're in the house, no matter if we're in the same room or not, would gladden my heart. I love you, Darling. So, so much. I hope that keeps you warm._

 _Ever yours,_

 _Cora_


	2. Chapter 2

_3rd September, 1900_ _  
_

 _Robert,_ _  
_

 _I have been ill, that's true, but it's really nothing to trouble you with_. _Dr. Clarkson said it's a cold I've likely contracted due to being overtired. I don't want you worrying._

 _I'm so glad you were able to come home for Sybil's birthday, still such a lovely surprise even months later, she hasn't stopped talking about it since you left._

 _Everything is the same around here. The new nanny has settled into a nice routine with the girls. Our governess wants to start including Sybil in some lessons soon. She's told me that Mary and Edith are almost ahead of where they should be for their age; which is lovely to hear. I've been worried about Edith, but it seems she's keeping up with Mary. Carson and Mrs. Hughes still have command of the house. They are ever so patient with me and I have the utmost respect for them both. Rosamund comes around often, saving me from the chaos here which I know is nothing compared to the chaos you are facing everyday. I hope you know how proud we all are of you; how proud_ I _am._

Cora paused, getting lost in her thoughts, when she heard laughter outside. She looked out the window and caught sight of her daughters running across the lawn. She searched for Nanny, but when she didn't see the short, stout woman chasing after them, her heartbeat quickened. She stood from her desk, leaving her letter unfinished, and rushed out of the library and into the main hall. She stepped out into the foyer and watched as a footman all but wrestled Pharaoh on the ground. The girls had reached them and were in fits of giggles as they watched the scene. Carson stood by, barking at the young footman to, 'quickly leash the unruly beast.'

She shook her head, Carson was not exactly fond of his Lordship's dog. She reached for a shawl that she had left forgotten on a table beside the door; surprised one of the maids hadn't picked it up. However, she was quickly thankful as she draped it around her shoulders and stepped outside.

She saw Nanny at last and sighed in relief. The poor woman sat in a chair, out of breath and fanning herself, but stood abruptly when she saw the lady of the house.

"Whatever is going on here?" Cora said as her daughters whipped their tiny heads around, their eyes going wide in surprise.

"Mama," Sybil cried rushing to a give her mother a hug, but not before Nanny reprimanded her.

" _Lady Sybil_ , be careful with your Mama. She's been unwell."

Cora rolled her eyes. Did the _whole house_ know? Perhaps her new lady's maid was one for spreading gossip. "It's all right, Sybil. Come here."

Sybil leapt up into her mother's open arms and kissed her cheek, "I've missed you."

Cora chuckled, nestling her nose in her hair, "I've missed you too."

"We should go inside. It's time for Lady Mary and Lady Edith's next lesson." Nanny brushed off her dress as she reached for their hands. Mary yanked hers away and passed her Mama, quickly rushing inside.

Mary had been in quite a mood since Robert left. Cora had tried desperately to talk to the girl, but after the third time the nursery door slammed in her face that week, she gave up. She wondered if even Carson had been able to talk to her. She made a mental note to ask him.

Edith walked to her mother, hastily giving her a hug, before following Nanny and Mary into the house and up the stairs.

"What's gotten into their knickers?" Sybil asked receiving a loud laugh from her mother and the footman. The poor footman, who'd finally been able to leash Pharaoh, had stopped on his way to the back of the house when he heard the little lady.

"I can't say, my darling." Cora said still holding Sybil in her arms as she walked into the house followed by Carson.

The butler cleared his throat, "What are we to do with Lady Sybil, Milady?"

Cora turned to him abruptly, "Oh, I'd like her to sit with me in the library for a while yet. I was just writing a letter to his Lordship. She can help me finish it."

Carson pursed his lips wondering if the dowager would approve, "Very well." He turned to leave, looking over his shoulder once more, before heading for the door that led to the servant's hall.

Cora shook her head and walked into the library, settling Sybil carefully down on the red settee, and returned to her desk. "Now can you sit there quietly, while I finish this letter for your Papa?" She looked over her shoulder at her youngest daughter.

"Mhm," Sybil said nodding. Her eyes widened, "Oh, can I write to him?" She clasped her hands under her chin and waited for her mother's reply. Sybil was five and had barely started working on her penmanship, but could sign her name rather well.

Cora chuckled, "Let me finish writing this last bit, and then I'll help you with what you want to say to Papa."

"Will Mary and Edith get to write something too?"

Her mother shook her head, "No, I would like this in the post before tea time and since they won't be down until then, they will not. So you'll have to keep this a secret between us."

Sybil nodded and put a finger to her mouth indicating that she would keep quiet.

Cora turned around in her chair, returning to her letter, and re-reading the last thing she had written before continuing. The two of them had hardly any time to themselves while he had been home for a few days and she was constantly battling the girls for his attention. She couldn't wait until the war was over so they could have him home for good and so that _she_ could have him all to herself again. She wondered if she should bring up the subject of an heir again, but thought better of it. They had spoken about it briefly and had quarreled. They were both conflicted to say the least. She decided it would be better to keep the letter short.

 _Sybil has asked if she could write to you so I've included her words with mine._

She called her daughter over to her. Sybil stood by the desk, her hands crossed behind her back, rocking back and forth on her heels, as she dictated her words to her mother.

 _Hello Papa, Mama is letting me write to you, but not Mary and Edith because they're upstairs having lessons and she said this was our secret. I like sharing secrets with Mama. She is much better at keeping them than Edith. Mama says that you have gotten my picture I drew for you. I'm glad you like it. I worked very hard on it and Nanny didn't even have to help me. I can sign my own name!_

 _Mama says it's almost time for my nap but Papa why do I keep having naps when I am five now? I am almost as grown up as Mary. Mama says it's because all proper ladies take naps, even she still does. Did you know that Papa? I love you so very much and miss you. I'll kiss Pharaoh for since I know Mama won't. Love Sybil._

Cora chuckled at the last sentence, now holding Sybil in her lap, and watched as she shakily signed her name. When her daughter was done, she hopped down, and returned to the settee, talking to herself animatedly.

 _I love you too, Darling._

 _Always and more,_

 _Cora_

* * *

"Mama," Edith shrieked as she ran into the library, followed by Nanny and her two sisters, "you let Sybil write to Papa, but not us? That's not fair."

Cora looked at Sybil and shook her head, turning to face Edith who stared up at her, eager for an answer. "I'm sorry, but you were having your lesson. You can send him a letter tomorrow."

Somewhat satisfied with this answer, Edith placed the game she carried with her on the ottoman in front of her mother, and instructed Sybil to sit across from her. Mary sat on the floor in front of the fire, cross-legged, and opened the book in her hand.

Cora watched her for a moment, sipping her tea, and wondered how her eldest daughter had grown up so quickly. "What are you reading, Mary?"

Mary's eyes swiftly shot up from the page, " _Little Women_." She hesitated, looking down and fiddling with the corner of a page, before she continued, "I know it's a favorite of yours." She glanced at her mother again quickly before returning to the page she was reading.

Her breath hitched, "It is." She swallowed, "I hope you love it as much as I do."

It was rare that Mary wanted to feel connected to her mother in any way other than sharing some of the same features. She watched her daughter again, her eyes quickly scanning the page, flipping it and then getting lost in the next. It was much the same experiment Cora had the first time she'd read it. How she had longed for sisters. Sisters just like the March girls. Unfortunately, she had Harold. But when she'd had Mary, and soon thereafter Edith, she had hoped they would be as close as the sisters in the book. For a few years, it seemed that way. Then Sybil came along. Her dreams of having her very own March family were coming true. But she had been wrong. Mary adored Sybil and Edith immediately felt what it was like the be in the middle. Cora - and Robert to his credit – had tried to make things right between the three of them, but Mary was always taking Sybil and excluding Edith from everything. Overtime, the little blonde learned to get along fine on her own. Still, in the back of her mind, Cora wished things were better between her eldest daughters. Since May, they had been relatively civil towards each other, but Cora was waiting for the pin to drop. She was glad when they remained on their best behavior while Robert was home, and now – neither of her them were speaking to her so she hoped they were at least speaking to each other.

She watched her two youngest daughters and laughed as Sybil decided to play the game by her own rules. Edith sat dumbfounded for a moment before she huffed and rose from the floor, joining her mother on the settee. Cora patted her knee, "She'll learn soon enough." Soon tea was over, and she longed for the day when her girls would be able to sit at the dinner table with her.

* * *

Dinner had been a horrid affair. Rosamund had suggested inviting a few of her friends along, hoping to give their dinner a change of atmosphere. Cora wasn't in the mood to entertain exactly, but she needed something to distract her mind from Robert, even if only for a few hours.

Rosamund's friends were obnoxious, loud, and both drunk within minutes of entering the drawing room. Once they were seated, Cora tired her best to play hostess, smiling at them and occasionally joining in the conversation; often having to bite back snarky remarks that she would likely regret in the morning. Her sister-in-law would often shoot her an apologetic look, and cringed when one of them said something rather inappropriate for a dinner conversation. As they took their leave, Rosamund hugged her, apologizing profusely in her ear and promised to call on her tomorrow.

Now, she sat up in bed, her maid having just left, and tried to ignore the pounding in her head. She opened her book, quickly getting lost in the words, when she heard a knock on the door. Thinking her had maid had forgotten something, she said, "Come in," without looking up.

When she didn't hear her maid, her head snapped up and her brow furrowed as she saw Mary standing in the doorway. After gathering up the courage, the girl looked up at her mother, "I-I was wondering if we could read this together." She held up the book.

Cora nodded happily, "Yes of course, Darling." She closed her book, placing it on her nightstand, and threw back the covers on Robert's side of the bed. She turned, fluffing her pillow as Mary crawled up next to her. She waited a moment, as her daughter settled in, and watched as she turned to her place in the book. "What part are you on?"

"Jo and Meg have returned from the play they went to with Laurie." Mary handed the book to her mother, and to Cora's surprise, cuddled up against her side.

She cleared her throat, and placed one arm around her daughter, holding the book in her other hand. "Oh, you're getting to the good part."

Mary snuggled further into her mother's side as she listened to her reveal that Amy had stolen Jo's manuscript and burned it in the fire.

" _You wicked, wicked girl! I never can write it again, and I'll never forgive you as long as I live."_ Mary's eyes grew wide. It was rare that her mother raised her voice and when she did, it frightened her. _"Meg flew to rescue Amy, and Beth to pacify Jo,"_ Cora continued, _"but Jo was quite beside herself, and with a parting box on her sister's ear, she rushed out of the room up to the old sofa in the garret, and finished her fight alone."_

"How awful," Mary started, "I can't imagine ever doing such a thing. Not to my sister." She sat up and turned her head to look at her mother. "I know Edith and I don't always get along, but I would never do something like that on purpose.

"I'm glad to hear you say that," Cora smiled at her.

Mary returned her smile. "Are you feeling better," she said after a moment and leaned back against her mother again.

She cocked her head to the side, "What?"

"Only, Nanny said this afternoon that you had been unwell, and –," she looked at her hands in her lap, playing with a loose string on the bed's duvet, "I promised in my last letter to Papa that I would look after you."

She found herself swallowing a lump in her throat, and marveling at the rare moment her daughter chose to be affectionate towards her. "I am, thank you." She squeezed her close to her side. So maybe it was Mary who had been worrying Robert about her health and not Rosamund like she had thought.

"I'm glad," Mary yawned, "can we read more tomorrow, Mama? I'm tired."

Cora nodded, "Yes, dear." She closed the book and set it on her nightstand next to hers. She patted Mary's thigh, "It's time to go back to your room."

"Do I have to? I know Edith and Sybil have slept in here a few times," she snuggled further into the bed.

Her mother sighed, "All right, but just this once." She blew out the candle, and lay down, fluffing her pillow once more, before turning on her side facing away from her daughter.

"Mama," she heard Mary whisper, "Can you hold me? It's quite cold in here." Cora smiled and hummed her response; just on the edge of sleep. She hadn't realized how tired she was herself. She turned over, moving closer to her daughter, and rested one arm across her middle. She kissed the top of her head, "Goodnight, my darling."

She lifted her head slightly, waiting for Mary's reply, but was met with soft snores instead. She smiled again and whispered, ' _I love you,'_ before succumbing herself to sleep.

* * *

Cora walked down the hall towards the stairs when she heard a bang against the nursery door. She turned, retracing her previous steps, and slowly opened the door. She peeked inside, finding Mary sitting on her bed, knees pulled up to her chest, with her head down. She was crying.

Cora picked up the book from the floor and tentatively approached her. She sat on the bed, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, and gave Mary a moment to calm herself. Over the last few weeks, Mary would sneak into her room at night and they would read together. It had been so long she had read the book herself that it delighted her to be sharing it with her eldest daughter.

"Why didn't you tell me," Mary whispered as she raised her head, a small sob following.

She grimaced, "I'm sorry, my darling." She knew the exact part of the story her daughter had read. She had been debating with herself for a week about whether or not to tell her. They had never talked about death before. Robert's father had died a few months prior to Mary's birth and thankfully, Cora's father was still alive. But, she knew they would have to have this conversation at some point. She swallowed as she mentally prepared herself.

Mary sniffled, "I was worried when she had gotten sick, but I was hoping…," she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

Cora nodded, "I understand. I felt the same way."

"She was my favorite," Mary said wiping her eyes.

"Jo was mine. That's why your middle name is Josephine," she pulled her daughter into her side, an arm around her shoulder, and squeezed her close.

"She reminds me of Sybil in a way."

"Jo?"

"No, Beth." They remained silent a moment. "Have you ever known anyone who has died?" She turned to her mother.

She nodded, "Your grandfather. He died before I had you. It was hard for me -he was always so kind -but it was very hard for your father."

Mary looked down, "Papa could die."

Cora bit her lip in an effort to keep tears from forming in her eyes. She cleared her throat, "He could."

"I don't want him to." Mary buried her face in her mother's side.

"I don't either, and he's trying very hard not to, but we have to accept that it could happen. As much as we don't want it to." She ran a hand slowly up and down Mary's arm.

She felt her daughter nod, "What would happen to us if -if he does?"

"I don't know exactly," she shrugged, "but we would go on living because that's what he would want us to do." They were silent again. Cora hadn't given much thought to the possibility that he could die; rather she had pushed it to the back of her mind. But every so often it would find it's way to the front of her mind and she would feel nauseous.

"I've had nightmares about it," Mary said quietly, "That's why I spend so much time with Carson. He distracts me from thinking about it too much."

Cora smiled, she was glad to know her daughter had such a close relationship to their butler, no matter how inappropriate it was. "I wish you had spoken to be about this sooner. I hate to think this has been weighing on you so heavily."

Mary shook her head, "I didn't want to give you anything else to worry about. Or have you get sick again."

She sighed, "That's because I was overworking myself. I've taken a step back since then. You needn't worry." She kissed her cheek, "It's almost time for luncheon. I've asked Nanny if you could join me. Would you like that?"

Her daughter nodded excitedly, "Very much so."

Cora stood, stretching a bit, and held out her hand to her daughter, "Let's go down. We can tell Carson we'd like a picnic outside."

Mary took her hand and followed her out of the room, "Maybe we can finish the book tonight?"

She smiled, "I'd like that."

* * *

 **A/N:** First of all, I'd like to say thank you to those of you who reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. It means a lot to me. I wanted to post this sooner, but I got stuck and then ended up rewriting most of this. The last bit was originally the beginning of chapter three, but I decided to post it with this one. And now I don't know when I'll be able to post the next. I'm not sure how many chapters this will have, but I'll tie this up without abandoning it. The editing is only mine so please excuse any mistakes.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Once again thank you for the lovely reviews; I really appreciate them.

This chapter serves as a flashback and guess what? I actually took a shot at writing Robert. I wanted a scene that didn't involve Cora and her daughters (well sort of) as much as I've enjoyed writing those. This ran away with itself so it's quite long.

* * *

 _October, 1891_

 _It was the last day of their trip before they would return home, and their first time away from Mary; London being the furthest Robert could get Cora to agree to. She was reluctant to leave their sixth-month-old daughter and wanted to be able to return shortly should something happen while they were away. As luck would have it, they weren't called home early._

 _They hadn't been able to go anywhere for their anniversary. Robert's father had died just a few days prior and Robert was immediately thrust into the role of Earl. Cora, who had been constantly ill during the majority of her pregnancy, was restricted to bed rest until the baby was born. They'd had hardly any time together, but Robert had promised a getaway for some time after their little one arrived. She'd made her appearance in early April, but things had become so chaotic at the Abbey, they kept having to put it off._

 _Now the week was coming to an end. Since their arrival, they had been busy exploring London. Eating at the fanciest restaurants, shopping in magnificent boutiques, visiting art galleries and tea shops, and even spent a night at the theatre. They'd barely been at Grantham House other than to change, sleep, and be intimate, of course. To say they had indulged themselves was an understatement. Robert loved spoiling her. He'd bought her three new dresses and any jewelry she had laid her eyes on. Well, he had bought the jewelry without her knowing and surprised her with a diamond bracelet one night at dinner. He still had one piece to give her, but had chosen to save it for their last night._

 _October weather could be a fickle thing. They had decided to spend a lazy day at the house: reading in the library, playing cards in the drawing room that afternoon, and napping in between. She was exhausted as he'd expected her to be. Robert was exhausted himself, but found he much rather enjoyed watching her than sleeping. Their little Mary had proven to be quite a handful. Cora had refused a wet nurse, but agreed to letting a maid take the baby off her hands when Robert insisted she get some rest. Of course, he couldn't keep her away long. Truthfully, Cora would have had the baby with her all day if Violet had allowed it. Yes, Mama still lived at Downton. Cora had talked him into letting her choose when she was ready to leave and neither minded at first, but Cora soon regretted it. His mother hadn't been as harsh with his wife as before, but they still disagreed on many things; especially how often Cora was running off to attend to Mary. However, on the day of their departure, as Violet kissed her goodbye, she promised she would be in the Dower house by the time they returned._

 _After luncheon, they returned to the drawing room where they played another round of cards until tea time. Typically, they took their tea in the library at Downton, but here they did as they pleased and Cora had been far too comfortable to move once she was settled. They sat in silence for most of the game, and then chatted briefly about their trip. Robert listened as Cora spoke about the paintings she had admired in a museum they had visited the day before. He much didn't understand what she was saying, but loved the way her eyes lit up as she spoke. The next thing he knew, she was saying how much she couldn't wait to return home to Mary. He nodded in agreement and after a moment, said something about the things he couldn't wait to do to her that night._

 _When tea had ended, Cora had a sudden burst of energy and took off running about the house. Robert chased after her, quickly loosing sight, and spent five minutes looking for her. When he finally found her, he was stretched out on a settee in the library, with blanket pulled up over her head. She was trying to hide, but doing so rather unsuccessfully as she snickered underneath when she heard him enter. Robert sat on the edge, playfully patting her legs saying, 'what's under here,' before his fingers went higher then pulled the blanket away from her face. She erupted in laughter and Robert's hands hovered over her stomach._

" _Oh, don't you dare." She chided, a small smile creeping on her lips._

 _He wiggled his fingers, and his eyebrows, at her before smiling cheekily and attacking her._

" _Robert, stop," She laughed. "Please," she said breathlessly, kicking her legs in an attempt to stop him when her words didn't. After her nap, she had refrained from putting on her corset again as they were staying in for the night. He'd questioned her about it, but she brushed him off saying something about it just being the two of them and there would be no one there to scold her. He knew it was something she would never attempt to do at Downton, and enjoyed how being away made her so relaxed._

 _He tickled her once more, earning another laugh and a kick to his side. He loved hearing her laugh more than anything. He'd read somewhere that the more you laughed, the longer you lived so he'd made a New Year's resolution to make her laugh as much as possible._

 _Her chest heaved up and down behind her dress as she sputtered out, 'Thank you," pulling herself into a sitting position. She leaned back against the arm of the settee and watched Robert reach for a pillow from the floor. She graciously took it and placed it behind her back as he threatened her with his fingers once more._

" _If you so wish to sleep in my bed tonight, it would be wise to refrain from tickling me again," she teased._

 _"Oh all right," he held up his hands in defense, "I'll stop."_

 _"Thank you." They were silent a moment as she steadied her breath, her chest rising and falling slowly._

 _Her face was flushed and he raised a hand to her cheek, softly caressing it, before moving to check her forehead. "How are you feeling?" His brow furrowed as he realized she felt a little warm and clammy._

" _I'm fine," she said sighing._

" _And here you were worried about our Mary getting sick, not you," he chuckled._

" _Well we did just play a game of hide-and-seek at your request, so it's your fault."_

" _No my dear, that was your idea," he smirked, resting a hand on her thigh._

 _She huffed, "Really Robert, I'm fine."_

 _He eyed her skeptically, "All right."_

" _Although," she looked at him sheepishly, wringing her hands together in her lap, "There is something I need to tell you."_

 _He cocked his head to the side, "So you_ are _ill?" When she avoided his eyes, he scooted closer to her, covering her hands with his own, "Why didn't you tell me? I could have sent for a doctor."_

" _I don't need to see a doctor," she swallowed, "I saw one before we left." She looked at him then, his head still to the side, eyebrows knitting together. She was quiet for a moment, her anxiety keeping her from speaking._

" _Well-," he hesitated expecting the worst. She looked down at their hands in her lap; she didn't answer quick enough. "Cora what is it, darling? You're scaring me." He inched closer though he was as close as the space would allow. He lifted her chin and found her biting her lip, her eyes filling with tears. Her chest had become slightly red as well and he suddenly wondered if that had to do with her illness._

" _I'm going to have another baby," she whispered._

 _Robert's eyes widened in disbelief, "Really?" She nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks as she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to stop them. His face fell and his heart pounded rapidly in his chest. His eyebrows furrowed again; he was baffled by her reaction. "Oh Cora, what's the matter? This is wonderful news." He squeezed her hands in an effort to assure her that what he meant was true. "I'm so happy. Aren't you?" He was ecstatic and could hardly hold back the smile that was starting to form on his lips._

 _She nodded slowly, opening her eyes again, "I want to be, but it's too soon Robert. We just had Mary and I'm still so exhausted." She let out a long breath, "My pregnancy with her was not easy and I don't know if I could go through all that again. Being that ill. Not yet." She shook her head as more tears started to roll down her face again._

 _He wiped them away with the back of his hand and produced a handkerchief so she could wipe her nose. "I know," He kissed her forehead. "What did the doctor say?"_

 _She sniffled, handing the handkerchief back to him, "He was a little concerned at first, but said I've recovered well enough. My body should be able to handle it. Though he suggests waiting longer next time should we choose to have another."_

" _Of course," he nodded in understanding, "there's no rush." Her tears had stopped, but she still wore a look of despair. "Darling-," he probed her._

" _I'm worried about them being so close in age."_

" _Rosamund and I are close in age and we get along fine…for the most part," he said trying to lighten the mood._

 _She shrugged, "I'm not just worried about that." She eyed him, deciding if she should continue, terrified of voicing her fears, "I'm worried about not having a boy." She looked away, "I know you were disappointed that we had a girl first."_

" _Cora, no," he said firmly. "I was not -_ am _not disappointed with Mary being a girl. I know we've made a big deal about having a boy because of the entail, but I truly am proud to have a daughter. I adore her; I thought you knew that."_

 _She nodded, "I do, but it doesn't mean you weren't a little disappointed."_

" _Cora," he sighed, "I would be lying if I said I didn't want a boy, but the moment I saw her I fell in love with her. I would never trade her for anything." He pulled her into an embrace, running his hands up and down her back to soothe her. He felt her relax in his arms and leaned back after a moment, cupping her face in his hands, "Now, I don't want you feeling guilty about something we have no control over. Unfortunately," he mused. "And I don't want you making yourself sick with worry about this one either." He dropped one hand to rest on her stomach. "No matter what happens. What's meant to be will be," his thumb brushed against her cheek._

" _How is it you always know what to say?" She grabbed his right wrist, holding it against her face a minute longer, then removed it. She covered it with both of her own and then placed them gently on top of his hand that still rested on her abdomen._

 _He shrugged, a cheeky grin returning to his face once more, "I may have learned a thing or two from some of the boys at Eton."_

 _She swatted his hand playfully, "Well you didn't learn it from your mother, that's for sure."_

" _No," he chuckled, "I certainly did not." He slid a hand free, taking one of hers, bringing it up to his lips for a kiss and gently returned them to their previous spot. "So when are we to expect the new little one?"_

" _Golly, you ask a lot of questions," she teased._

 _He stared at her as one hand stretched out across her middle, softly rubbing back and forth, "I'm just wondering when you'll start to show." He looked down then imagining their child growing inside, his eyes filling with wonder._

 _She smiled, "It will be a little while longer. Another month or so." She patted his hand to get his attention, "To answer your question, sometime in August."_

 _His eyes shot up, "Hmm, should we return those new dresses I bought you?"_

 _She shook her head furiously, laughing a little, "No, my maid can let them out as needed."_

" _All right." He stood pulling her up with him and kissed her on the lips, "I think it's almost time for dinner. We should go up."_

 _She nodded, embracing him again and sighed, not wanting to leave his arms, before they trudged up the stairs. He followed behind her, one hand on the small of her back, and watched her a moment as they reached the top of the landing. He could tell how tired she was just by how slowly she made her way towards her room. Though, he thought to himself, they weren't in a rush seeing as they were alone as they had been all week. He rather looked forward to more dinners like that when they returned home. Of course, they'd have to invite Mama occasionally and even Rosamund, but nevertheless, the thought excited him._

 _She turned once she reached her door, realizing he wasn't behind her anymore. She titled her head slightly, "What are you doing?"_

 _He shrugged shaking his head, "Just thinking." He bounded to her promptly and placed his hands on her shoulders, "I've got one more surprise for you tonight."_

" _Do you?"_

" _Mhm, you should wear that green dress of yours." He leaned in and whispered in her ear, his breath hot against her skin, "The one from our honeymoon."_

 _She blushed at the memory as she pulled back, "How do you know I brought it with me?"_

 _"I have my ways," he wagged his eyebrows._

 _She groaned_ , " _I'll have to put my corset back on."_

" _Leave it off." He dropped his hands to her waist, "It's just me who will be looking at you- "_

" _And a few footmen."_

" _Never mind them. We can send them away after they've served us. I want you to be comfortable and-" he smirked, "it will make things much easier later."_

 _She chuckled, turning towards her room, "Very well." She turned back to him, a hand on the doorknob, and kissed him on the cheek before opening it and entering her room. They stared at one another as she closed the door, promising to see each other shortly._

* * *

 _Once they had finished their main course, Robert quickly excused himself from the table and ran up to his dressing room to retrieve his final present for her._

 _A short time later, he returned, and handed her the gift, "For you, my love." He kissed her temple and sat in his chair._

 _She smiled, but remained silent as she carefully removed the red string and then tore away the gold paper. She held the large, square, velvet box in her hands a moment, glancing up at him, and then down again as she opened it slowly. She gasped, a hand flying to cover her mouth._

 _It was a necklace she had spied in a window a few days before. The long chain had diamonds around it that reflected in the light when she held it up to examine it more clearly. A large pendant, with a black stone, sat in the middle and from the pendant hung a teardrop pearl. "I saw you eying it the other day. I snuck out to purchase it while you were resting."_

 _She looked at him, as her eyes shone with tears, "Oh Robert, you shouldn't have. You've spoiled me enough already."_

" _Nonsense," he said standing from his chair and moving to stand behind her, "you deserve it." He kissed the top of her head and took the necklace from her, unclasping it then draping it around her neck, securing it in place. "It looks lovely on you," he said, admiring it as he stood beside her._

 _She adjusted the necklace on her chest and raised her eyes, "Thank you, darling. I love it." She turned in her chair, placing a hand on his cheek, as he bent down to kiss her; smiling against his lips as they pulled apart gradually, "I love_ you _."_

 _He returned to his chair, "I love you too, my dearest one." He replaced his napkin in his lap - they still had dessert to get through - and reached across the table for her hand. He was grateful they weren't at Downton so that he wasn't forced to sit opposite her. Here, they sat as close together as they could._

" _You've made me so incredibly happy today." He paused feeling his throat tighten, "For the last year. I know it was longer than you wanted. I was foolish not to- "_

 _She squeezed his hand, stopping him, "Never mind that, Robert."_

" _All the same, I should have said something sooner," he looked down at their hands._

" _I came out unscathed, didn't I?"_

" _I don't see how," he looked at her then, she was glowing._

" _I loved you for both of us," she shrugged seeming to state the obvious. "I knew you would come around eventually. I'm quite the catch," she laughed, tantalizing him again._

 _He stared at a spot on the floor, "I think I knew when Papa died." He swallowed, becoming emotional at the thought. Going through the grief of losing his father, seeing her remain so strong in her condition and settling into the role of Countess despite that, made him realize he was in love with her. Admitting his feelings was never easy and it certainly wasn't easy now when she looked the way she did. "He adored you; you were like another daughter to him really." She nodded, becoming emotional herself._

" _And then I knew, without a doubt, when you had Mary," he said chuckling. He'd finally admitted his feelings the day she was born. When he heard the news that mother and child had made it through, he'd run up the stairs and burst into her room. Seeing her look so beautiful as she held their baby in her arms, gave him the courage to voice his words. He'd sat on the edge of her bed and the three words came out in a whisper, 'I love you.' He repeated them, as he was sure she hadn't heard him due to being completely enraptured with their daughter. If he was being honest, he wasn't sure he had heard himself either. And then, she looked up at him with tears filling her eyes, and returned the sentiment._

" _Yes, I remember," she said releasing a breath and smiling at the memory._

 _After a moment, Robert reached for his glass of wine and held it up to her, "Happy Anniversary, Cora."_

" _Happy Anniversary," she said holding hers up as well. They clinked their glasses together, and took a sip each, their eyes never leaving one another. "Only eight months later," she said in jest and returned her glass to it's rightful place._

 _He guffawed, "Better late than never." He took another sip of his wine, setting it down, as a footman served their dessert. "We should do this more often."_

 _She nodded, "We do have another anniversary in February."_

" _No, I mean get away from Downton. Just the two of us."_

" _Well, with this one coming," she leaned back in her chair, patting her belly gently after taking a bite of her chocolate mousse, "it will probably be another eight months before we can do this again." She stayed like that a moment and pondered, soon voicing her thoughts, "Hopefully, I'm not as miserable as last time, and then surely we can before I'm too far along." She sat up, taking another bite of her dessert._

 _Having finished his own mousse, he reached across her plate to take a bite of hers when she swatted his hand._

" _Uh-uh-uh, you've already had yours. You don't need anymore."_

 _He pouted, "But - "_

" _No buts, what did I say about sleeping in my bed tonight?"_

" _Fine." He pulled his fork away and set it down, grabbing his glass and taking a long swig of wine. "I was thinking... next time we should go somewhere outside of England."_

" _Oh," she raised an eyebrow, "where did you have in mind?"_

 _He tapped his chin, feigning to be in thought when he knew full well exactly where he wanted to take her, "Florence."_

 _Her face broke out in a grin and her eyes shimmered, "I'd love that."_

" _Good, we can go before Christmas."_

" _Oh, but I don't want to leave Mary again so soon."_

" _You're the one who said you wanted to go before you were too far along."_

 _She nodded, "Yes, but Mary- "_

" _No buts-," he exclaimed mocking her words from before. She glared at him, clearly unamused, "Well, maybe we could bring Mary along."_

" _Oh, do you mean that, Robert? I'd so love to bring her." She took a drink of her water as he nodded, "Perhaps we should wait until she's a bit older though. Traveling with an infant can be a nightmare. Or so I've heard. And you know, she does take after you."_

" _She's just as much of a Levinson as she is a Crawley, thank you. And if I recall, you're not the best traveler either."_

 _She threw back her head in laughter, "You're right." She scrunched up her face, "We're quite the perfect match then."_

 _He chuckled, "We are indeed, and we'll have Nanny to help us." He watched her yawn and then stood, holding out a hand to her, "Let's go to bed, shall we?" She nodded and took his hand, standing from her chair and stretching. "We can discuss our future trip once we're back home and I have word from the doctor that it's safe for you to travel."_

 _She squinted at him as he led her out of the dinning room, "I travelled here, didn't I?"_

" _Yes, but that was before I knew you were expecting our second child. I would have cancelled it had I known."_

" _Well, I'm glad you didn't," she said with a matter-of-fact. She held his hand and turned into his side, grabbing his arm with her other hand, "I've had such a wonderful time."_

* * *

 **A/N: A few things** 1\. I'm going by the dates given on the Downton Wikia (which I realize has been edited by fans). It states they were married in February of 1890 with Mary being born sometime in 1891. I chose April because in the previous chapter, I said that Robert's father passed away a few months before she was born. I know Robert has said it didn't take him a year to fall in love with Cora, so I fidgeted a bit and had him realize before, but not tell her until later. He is a donk after all.

2\. For those wondering, Cora had Hyperemesis Gravidarum with Mary. It's severe morning sickness that can end around week 20 or last the entire pregnancy. There's a chance she could have experienced with Edith, but since in my head they go to Florence, I'll not put her through that again. And it seems in this fandom, it's agreed that Sybil's birth was difficult. Even though it would have been likely back then, I thought it might be a little cruel if all three of her pregnancies were traumatic in some way.

3\. The necklace Robert gave her is one she is seen wearing in season one with the dark green sparkly dress. I apologize for not describing it very well. If you're unsure which one I'm talking about, message me and I'll tell you which episode it first appears in.


	4. Chapter 4

_Early June, 1902_

Mary was leading them from the drawing room, when she abruptly stopped in her tracks. Cora, who was looking over her shoulder and scolding a bickering Edith and Sybil, bumped into her. She quickly turned her head to see Robert standing in the entryway of the great hall speaking to Carson.

The younger girls immediately ran to their father, jumping up and down, and fighting for his attention. He brought Sybil into his arms and ruffled Edith's hair, chuckling as they both rattled off a million questions.

Cora stepped around Mary and slowly walked to her husband, smiling widely, as he placed Sybil down and opened his arms out to her. They embraced and shared a quick peck on the lips before his attention was drawn back to his two youngest daughters. He snaked an arm around her waist, listening to Sybil talk about everything she had been learning from their governess.

After a moment, he looked around for Mary and found her rooted to her spot.

"Come here, my dear girl," he called and knelt down, waiting for her to come to him.

Cora watched as her eldest daughter tentatively stepped into his arms. Mary, _oh Mary_ , who had been so brave and hardly cried in the last few years - as far as she knew - clung to her father tightly; tears cascading down her small round face. Her head fell to his shoulder and she slumped against him. It made Cora's chest ache.

The war had recently ended, but for some reason unbeknownst to Cora, Robert had not sent word of when he would be coming home. Now, it was becoming clear why. He had wanted to surprise them. She couldn't be mad at him, but she still wished they'd had some time to prepare; to give him a proper homecoming.

Edith and Sybil whispered quietly amongst themselves as Cora moved to join Robert and Mary. She placed a hand on his shoulder, alerting him to her presence, and waited a moment more before speaking.

"We were just heading in for luncheon. Would you like to join us?"

Robert turned up to look at her and nodded, a smile on his face. He returned to Mary and wiped her tears away with a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket. He stood, placing a kiss on the top of her head, and turned to his wife, taking her hand and following his family into the dining room.

Mary stood still for a beat, and then rushed to catch up with her parents, carefully sliding her hand into her father's vacant one.

Once in the dining room, Cora settled their seating arrangements in order to avoid any arguing over who got the honor of sitting next to their father. Edith and Sybil sat on either side of her, and Robert was across from them with Mary beside him. They soon fell into a relaxed chatter, but Mary remained quiet, pushing her food around her plate.

Cora eyed her every so often, wondering what was going on in that mind of hers, and then noticed Robert pat his daughter's leg under the table. Mary's head quickly whipped to his and they shared a smile. Her two youngest daughters were oblivious to the interaction between their father and sister, but she knew as soon as they were finished, they would both be chomping at the bit for him to take them for an afternoon ride.

* * *

She hadn't imagined she'd find him this way. Not when, an hour after he promised he would be up, he still had not settled into bed next to her. Throwing on her robe, she checked his dressing room and then the girls' rooms, before heading downstairs. She saw a light shining under the library door and carefully made her way in. He was seated on an ottoman and staring ahead of him. She thought it rather odd that he had lit a fire. It was still early June. Granted, English summers were never as hot as American ones, but it certainly wasn't cool enough for a fire.

She stood behind the settee keeping her distance; too afraid to touch him. The sight of him, his chin resting in his hands, his elbows on his knees, made her stomach flip. She hesitated, desperately wanting to go to him, but still wanting to give him space. But before she could move, he turned towards her. It was only then that she realized she must have been crying audibly and raised a hand to wipe away a few errant tears.

He released a long sigh and looked down at his feet, unable to bear seeing her cry. After a moment, he composed himself and held out a hand to her, "Darling." His voice was hoarse and very unlike the voice she remembered from the last time he was home.

She discreetly stepped around the settee, taking a deep breath, then stepped forward to take his hand. It was cold despite how long he had been in front of the fire.

 _Her_ hand felt foreign in his, but as he looked into the fire again and worked up the courage of what he wanted to say to her, he let his thumb rub back and forth over it.

"I am sorry you had to go through all of that on your own," he said, his voice breaking.

Her eyebrows knit together and then after processing his words again, she knew what he was referring to. She shook her head and pressed the other hand against her stomach, "There was nothing you could have done. He was too ill."

He closed his eyes, "But – I should have been here for you," he looked up at her, "Your father died, Cora. You needed me. I should have been here to take you back home. You shouldn't have had to miss your father's funeral because of me."

She released a heavy sigh, "Robert – ", she knelt down in front of him, "when I married you, I knew there would be sacrifices I would have to make. And as much as it pained me, this was something I had to sacrifice. I couldn't leave Downton and the girls, as much as I wanted to."

"Cora, don't be ridiculous. You should have gone. Rosamund could have stayed here with the girls." He grabbed both of her hands, "And Downton would have been fine without you for a week or however long you wanted to be away. _With your family_." He made sure to emphasize those words. "We have Carson and Mrs. Hughes…and Mama. _Mama_ would have let you go."

She looked away, "Even if they had let me, I wouldn't have been allowed."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

This was not how she wanted to tell him. She swallowed, "I lost a baby, Robert."

" _Dear God_." Feeling her tremble, in one swift motion, he pulled her up from the floor to sit beside him. He looked up, blinking rapidly as he tried to fathom just exactly everything she had been through.

"I hadn't even known I was pregnant," she whispered as she felt his hands tighten around hers. "A few days after I heard the news about Poppa, while I was packing, I became lightheaded and there was a sharp pain in my back and then – "

"Oh my, Cora." He embraced her and rocked her gently as she cried against his shoulder. He silently cursed himself.

"Dr. Clarkson said it would be best if I remained here." She sniffled, it was proving so much easier to tell him without having to look at him. "He thought the journey home and more emotional trauma from the funeral would have been too great a shock for me."

He nodded, "I wish you could have been spared this. I wish I had known – "

Suddenly feeling like she was suffocating she pulled back, "Robert, I asked Rosamund not to tell you. She said she was going to write you about Poppa, so that I wouldn't have to, and I knew she would tell you about the baby. I practically begged her not to. I wouldn't even let her tell Mama."

"But why, Cora? Why would you not let her tell me?"

"Because I knew you would do everything you could to come home and you needed to stay there, Robert. You had a duty to fulfill."

"No," he shot up, "damn it all, Cora. The war was ending soon and you needed me here. You lost your father and our baby in a matter of days. I…I can never forgive myself – "

"You must," she stood too, grasping his arms firmly, "there is _nothing_ you could have done."

His shoulders fell and his head dropped to his chest as he began sobbing. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

She threw her arms around him and soon, felt his gently circle her waist. After what seemed like an eternity, his crying had stopped and she felt him relax against her. "I've always heard that death comes in threes."

He pulled back and cocked his head in confusion.

"I kept waiting and waiting for a telegram to come to tell me you were dead, but thankfully – "

He cupped her cheek, "I'm here. I'm home safe. You're not going to lose me."

He kissed her gently; their first _real_ kiss since he had returned home. He embraced her again, a hand softly caressing the back of her head. She held onto him fiercely; forever grateful that he was back in her arms. They stayed like that until their knees started giving away.

Robert broke their embrace first, and silently took her hand, kissing it before leading her out of the room. When he opened the door, they were met by a startled Mary. She had been sitting on the floor, her back up against the doorframe and jumped up at the click of the door, her eyes going wide.

"Mary – ", Cora breathed.

"I had a bad dream and you weren't in your room." She blurted out. Averting her gaze from them she continued, "I was going to look for Carson, but I heard voices. I realized it was you, but I – I didn't want to bother you. So I decided to wait out here." Her eyes rose, "I was too scared to go back to my room by myself." She shrugged her shoulders, having explained herself as best she could.

"Oh, darling," Cora placed a hand to her chest and swallowed another round of tears.

"How long have you been sitting out here?" Robert questioned, silently hoping Mary hadn't heard anything beyond the muffled sounds of their voices.

Mary shifted uncomfortably on her feet, "A while, but I couldn't hear what you were saying."

He nodded, "All right. Let's all go to bed. It's been a long day." He followed his wife and daughter up the stairs and to Mary's room, where they both kissed her before returning to their own room.

Robert turned down the gas lamp, joining Cora in bed, and pulling her close to him. "You are so incredibly strong for all you've dealt with while I've been away."

She smiled, turning in his arms to face him, and placed a hand against his cheek, "And you are too. Strong and _brave_. I'm very glad you are home."

"As am I." He kissed her forehead, "I love you, Cora."

"I love you too." They shared a kiss and snuggled further into the bed, happy to be in each other's arms again.


	5. Author's Note

After much deliberation, I have decided to delete this story*. I was never truly satisfied with it, but it felt good to be writing again so I posted it anyway and kept writing; especially when I found a few people were following it. I've thought about re-writing it, but I just don't have the time. I've been extremely busy since early March and it doesn't seem like that will be letting up until August and it may not even get better after that. Which means my brain isn't functioning properly to write this story or a new one as I've tried to do (I have an idea that I can't seem to flush out); my creative juices are being used in another way and I'm worn out.

But I thank everyone who followed, favorited, and most importantly reviewed this story. I found I rather liked the parts involving Cora and Mary (maybe because I want to believe at one point she was actually, silently, fond of her mother). I'm glad other people seemed to enjoy that too. However, I see no way to continue this story. I hope one day, maybe, when I'm not so busy and can take the time to write and fully decide where I want the story to go, it will happen.

Again thank you, thank you for the interest you showed. I do appreciate it.

And I promise I'll continue to read your stories, be forever inspired by your work, and do better about leaving you some love.

*I'll leave this up for a few more days before I delete it.


End file.
